Back in the saddle of Sciences Po

For family and friends: I realized that not all the events in my life were making it to the Mac calendar. This has been rectified. Notice, if you click on certain events in the calendar you get the notes on that event, ie the trip to the Indian Embassy for my visa for the February trip (see Jan 10th). This might be interesting for lectures. Also, I prefer the view in monthly as opposed to daily. Either way - fun &... super packed!!

It's super busy right now. I imagine that all the museum-seeing, lazy walking, new-restaurant-trying, and general getting-to-know-Paris will have to wait a bit longer now. I'm all about papers this month. That, and fabulous visits from friends, too. My previous professor from undergrad '99 in Minneapolis is coming to visit with his wife (he also wrote letters of recommendation for me to get into grad school). They sound like pretty chill travelers who like mapping out their visits by where they want to eat, walking around the city-as-museum, and going out a bit at night. Good thing because I really don't need high maintenance right now.

Anyway.

Here's the first day back to the 'Po.

"Jet Lag"

Between 4 papers, a few notes

NUMERO UNO: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMANA MIA!!!! You look one day more beautiful! xoxo


1) Don't believe the hype. The world is not filled with terrorists out to get the USA. It *is* filled with people who dispise Bush and think Americans are stupid for re-electing him. But don't believe the Republican Presidential candidates when they say "be very afraid, cower, they're coming with the Atom bomb, you must hire me to protect you." And if the Dems start saying that, by god, call 'em on it.

2) I am growing a bit tired of defending or explaining my country of birth (notice: not country of growth or country of favorite countries or country where I chose to stay to do my grad work because damnit it's so great). I try in broken French to explain how I am fed up with Bush and how sorry I am for all the damage he's done to the world. I try to feel calm when a speaker/lecturer/person with whom I am speaking says several negative things in a row (almost all justified) about "America" when really they mean "Many of America's Administrations and A Lot of America's Bad Movies and Most of the Commercialism That You've Exported or Allowed Leave Your Country or Voted into Office." Also, we need to start remembering to dissociate America from The United States. My fellow Americans, from Canada to Mexico to Colombia to Chile to Argentina, don't like being associated with the America of Imposed Democracy of the US Flavor. And, *I* am not American or United Statesian in that fashion. I tell them (when it's appropriate - I'm not about to raise my hand during a workshop and say, "I'd like to clarify here that *I* in fact worked for 6 years to fight Bush's policies and didn't sleep for weeks in order to get my own state Wisconsin to vote blue." It would be tacky to turn the spotlight on me), yes, I do tell them that I did do those things and that I don't buy into buying big cars and big houses and more and more and more and more. I reduce, reuse, recycle - do you, Mr/Ms Frenchy? (Such a disapointment to see the paper mixed with the banana peels.) I tell them I don't think the Iraq or Afghan wars were justified and I supported legislators who said so, but it would be a fuckall if we ditched the countries without some kind of support structure (excuse the French). I try to tell them that I'd like to make the world a better place but usually I feel like that's a bit overstating my own powers - and seems very American - what's a better place? From whose perspective?

3) The restaurant on the corner is owned by an Indian. The shisha bars are owned by Moroccans. The new, single bed was delievered - and kindly put together - by Algerians. The boulangeries are run by French. A lot of the prostitutes and their pimps in the hotel next door are Russians. There are two massage parlors (with happy endings I think) across the street owned by Thais. My tailor and his assistant are Turk and Romanian respectively. Around the corner I've got super fried juicy Chinese food made by Chinese folks. Downstairs a few doors over, a Japanese restaurant. The woman who presses clothes in the laundromat is Colombian. Yes, I really am living and going to school in international, real world places. I don't know that I would have gotten quite this exposure in Chicago, Philly, or even London. Although, I might not get this kind of living community in other arrondissements either.

4) I am proscrastinating my papers.

5) Paris hit 32F today. It doesn't feel that cold to me though. Probably due to the lack of snow. I can see my breath outside and it's super grey cloudy. But NO SNOW! YAY!!!!

6) I got my packages in the mail today - 2 people in front of me in line only! Then again, I was at the poste at 1pm. Also, PP & Family - he said it'd take a week. Hm. Curious. I'd like to see how true this is.

7) I made a law! Or at least, that's what I want on my invisible gravestone. And a do-gooder law at that. Ok, ok, I didn't make it, and I certainly didn't make it alone and it isn't a law yet, but I did help make the "Compassionate Care for Rape Victims" bill and get it through the Wisconsin legislature in 6 years. I stayed up until 1am to catch the Assembly floor debate but they were in caucus that time. So, I asked my rockstar ex-colleagues to ping me on Skype when they went to the floor on our issue. Slept until about 5am when Andrea pinged me to wake up! wake up! wake up! Only they weren't on our issue yet. So I napped until 6am (I had already emailed my French prof that I wouldn't be in class). Woke up miraculously to the quiet call on Skype again. Got to hear the whole twisted, ugly, wonderful floor debate. Some legislators - even women - can be assholes toward rape survivors. It's shocking really. Thank goodness for the WI Eye though because now people can see them being so in real time - and later... for advertisements... or additional public viewing.... at crucial times... like maybe... election season. And again, I was in admiration of my ex-intern superstar, who during the 2nd month of her year+ long internship started speaking out about her own experience with sexual assault and the empowerment of being offered a decision about her own life through the question "Would you like to take a pregnancy preventative, Emergency Contraception?" More than I, SHE made the law.

8) We've had all the presentations on our dual-degree partners: London School of Economics, Colombia in NYC, Hertie in Berlin, Lee Kuan Yew in Singapore. While I feel like I should go to Hertie in Berlin for all the practical reasons (cost, cost, cost), I think I need to follow the goals and dreams and stay here. It's exciting when people ask me if I'm going home for the holidays and I say, "Nope, I'm here for two years!" I don't think people understand it really. Why don't I want to go home? Why don't my parents love me anymore? Why doesn't my sister miss me? How could I spend the holidays ALONE? How could I not want to go BACK to my country? - I see this flash quickly across their faces. And I follow my statement up, "I told them, if they want to see me, they have to come to Paris! .. So sad, isn't it? Forced to visit Paris." and then "It's really not unusual for my family. Being in the military, we travelled a lot and spent a lot of holidays outside of the States. Plus, I'll see them next spring. Yes, I've spent Christmas away from my family. Actually, that Christmas in Portugal was momentarily kind of hard. About 4 of us exchange students were travelling in Lisboa and it was pouring rain and we took turns huddling under the umbrella and making the long-distance call home. What really got me was hearing my whole, extended family at my grandparents' farm. That's what I missed. But it's a bit different now. I'll miss them, but I'm SO excited to be away from the US and be in a foreign language country. Also, I might go to Madrid for Xmas. And, I've got friends in Paris who have all graciously offered me to join them for any holidays I can. So, no, my family haven't stopped loving me. No, I don't really want to go home yet. Nope, I won't be alone - if anything I'm sure like any other country, the Chinese restaurants are open on the 25th... Although, this IS France where no one works on Sundays so who knows!"

9) Get food in french - check. Use public transport in french - check. Get different sizes of bras (insisting on using my foreign language) in french - check. Write an email in horrible french to my cool banker - check. Give a 5 min presentation on immigrants to France from 1800s-1914 in french - check. Go to the doctor in french and not die - check. Get appropriate medications and submit the receipts for reimbursement in french - check. Get wonderful wine weekly from the corner 'cave' in french - check. Order awesome cheese in french for faux thanksgiving dinner - check. Re-order minutes on my cellphone by listening to automated prompting operator chick in french - check. Explain my political "aslyum" in french - check. Know when to ignore 'em, when to hold 'em, when to walk away, when to run in french - check. Get a date in french - check. Turn someone down in french - check. Tried to slyly weasel the student rate at the Club Med gym to a guy who turned veiny and red-faced at the thought of *me* being 32 and trying to scam the *under 28* student rate, dude, I said, it's only a question, calme, I'm not trying to make you angry in french - check. Okay, I think I've officially passed culture shock and have moved into somewhat-self-sufficiency in a foreign language. Next step is, I'm sure, The Big Argument on the street or with some kind of administrative personnel. Or, maybe The Emergency - like a pipe bursts or something comes flying through the window. I know I can call my landlord, but sometime I'd like to see if I can hack it. This would be like, Level 9 of French As French Do.

10) There are some really cool things happening around the city right now and I hope I get to catch some of them sometime (aside from the cool thing like, getting my hair trimmed because it's growing so fast!). There's this new exhibit at the national library releasing France's huge collection of erotica. "France's official hoard of erotica and pornography, lovingly assembled by the Bibliothèque Nationale over a period of 170 years, will be thrown open to the startled eyes of the public for the first time this week." ... Then there's the Academie de Musique which I won't be able to catch for the holiday season but will try for spring 08.

But for now... I need to stop procrastinating.

Happy holidays, everyone!!

xoxo

More than just "Hello Bonjour"

It's a good day for school. While I did have to skip my 8am French and the 10am Situating Ourselves courses so I could start to figure out how to get a doctor's appointment, it was still a good day for class. (Don't worry mom, it's just a normal ol' sinus infection or something. I hear the French have great health care so I should be good to go at a cheap rate in no time.)

I do love my Le Gales "State Restructuring and Policy Change: Government and Governance" course. (you can read the PDF at the bottom of this website if you're so inclined.) Today, he gave a few minutes away from the (ahem, boring) readings on State Regulation Within the State to discuss our final policy papers (4,000 words our choice of topics) and then talked for about an hour with us on the state of France and the strike and Sarkozy. I guess it was the first time I really spoke up in class - since I was the one who emailed the request to discuss. Finally, I guess we all decided that it's definitely time for France to reform and catch up to the globalization playing field, but we're not sure if Sarkozy will do (or has been doing) it in the best manner possible. The French don't necessarily support the strikes this time around, but they're not all out counter-protesting (although some are) since they recognize that sometime in the future it might be their retirement plan Sarkozy comes after.

I caught my #68 bus this morning just as I was about to duck down into the metro to give it a try. I got the #68 back home - totally jammed crowded and crawling slowly through traffic jams. I'm sure the air pollution is doing wonders for my skin and lungs. Regardless, I totally support those folks on strike and I sympathize (especially since I have no idea what it's like to be a train operator), but I do agree that




The Times They ARE A'Changing
(c/o micoolcho in Singapore)

..............

Yeah, so I'm struggling with which policy I'll pick. He's recommended we do a comparative analysis of a policy in 2 countries/areas. We're also not supposed to do something we're familiar with - there goes CCRV. And, of course, we can't do overlapping projects either, ie turn this paper into my "Regulation, Adjudication and Dispute Settlement Beyond the State" class. (I'm thinking about looking at the recent cybercrimes in different countries and analyzing how they're being handled legally and with which international orgs.) In my "Managing Innovation in the Globalising Learning Economy" we're working in groups. I've been spending about 4-6 hours a week with these guys, one from Berlin and the other from Seoul - very cool. We're conducting a survey of future policy makers and current decision-makers, analyzing the impact of pop culture on Seoul and the cultural growth in Berlin after Reunification. It's called "Investment in Social Capital and Cultural Industry - An Argument for Advancing Policy to Enhance Economies of Metropoles." (I invented the title while looking over the application process to UNESCO - they ask for projects, papers, thesis in the CVs of potential interns.)

Whew. And then there's group work in Econ and some paper we're supposed to write in Stats, too. Thankfully our "Situating Ourselves in Complex Settings" class (Organizational Theory) is over tomorrow and it was more of a workshop than a class. We did group work (ugh) to analyze a colleague's previous work dilemma. We're all sworn to secrecy not to reveal any details as it could compromise the person and the institution. But basically it had to do with a large institution not following its own HR policies versus possible corruption with some folks pocketing money skimmed from around the edges. I'm not sure we resolved this one. But it was nothing compared to some dude who talked about the levels of corruption and outright illegal activity he witnessed in an unnamed South American country. Not so much 'org theory' as down-right f'd up ness.

I do like the way this program is really hands-on, not just theoretical, philosophical but we're digging in and doing. This Saturday we'll start four (voluntary) courses on Econometrics and really see how to analyze policy with statistics etc.. or something like that. Then, since there weren't enough 2nd year students signed up for one of the concentrations, "Political Economy of Welfare Reform" will be a lecture series open to all. I'm definitely doing both of these voluntary classes. I figure it's the only chance I'll get so why not. I'll see Paris soon.

Oh, and if you can't keep up - it's all updated on the Mac calendar. Including the Paris Photo exhibition that I did squeeze in for 4 hours on Thursday. I skipped out after my 2-min presentation to the presentation skills course (pass/fail, "taught" by a consultant, really lame). Lisa, I'll have you know I got my "grades" back today and all the students and the consultant chick gave me scores of good to very good. Thanks to you it's old hat, I guess. The calendar also includes the Interpol concert I hope to make on Wednesday night - metros and my health willing.

Dude, Nicole, were you around when I was obsessed with trying to win the KEXP giveaway for tickets to see them in Paris? I sent like a postcard a day - and even had to run over to the capitol to buy lame capitol postcards so I wouldn't miss a day. And then I found out they only wanted 1 postcard per person for the drawing. I was crushed. Well... It's Paris. It's Interpol. I hope I get some good drugs from the doctor. Mannnn...

PS. A short, funny description of the difference between strikes in Paris and the USA. I love the description of a manifestation - the one I witnessed on Wednesday near school, I'm almost 100% positive the striker guys were drunk.

Meanwhile back at the office...

I'm working on editing and uploading and naming over 400 photos. Yes, you see I'm not fond of tossing any of them out. Each one, in its mundane blurriness is still something I saw and captured in time. And really the photos are for me - not you, my darling readers. So, feel free to sort through the Flickrs and skip what you will. I take no offense.

While I'm tweaking all the sights, I'd like to entertain you with this fabulous blog I found. Start here and then work your way around. It's a different take on living in Paris, which I'm finding is, to each person, their own horror or bliss or mediocrity. There's the quest for survival (I've dropped a few pounds which I was only housing for Wisconsin winters anyway) balanced with the need to communicate (I've got a few French friends) settling with the need to enjoy life (a nice pair of black jeans so I can blend in a bit, an 11E bottle of wine to get a small step out of the gutter of 4E) all topped off with the beginning of classes and the intricacies of helping to create a new program.

I'm in the upper, older age range and the honeymoon of hanging out with some of the younger, more self-focused colleagues has worn off. I'm finding myself cringing when accidentally herded together. (I'd like to ask Professor Erhard Friedberg, the director of our program and director of the C.S.O. Centre de Sociologie des Organisations, to explain this accidental grouping phenomenon. I meander out of a classroom or lecture hall to find myself ending up in certain cliques, or I meander out and find myself surrounded by certain people - often the same people. I'd like to re-route whatever forces are at work here because otherwise I might kill some of my colleagues before we even get to finals.)

So, orientation went off without a hitch but with hell of a burden. I am a legal student allowed to stay in this country for a year and can travel to other countries without being seized at the border and refused re-entry to France - although, as I pointed out to someone concerned about this - how bad would it be to stuck in Germany or Spain? I mean, c'mon, it's not the Midwest! I am also legally registered for classes and have allowed the school to automatically withdraw funds from my wonderful French bank account (which also took quite a toll to achieve).

Now, to figure out how to get the Navigo pass to get on and off metros and buses without paying an arm and a leg, also to get on and off Velib bikes. And to buy a cell phone plan instead of paying for minutes added on each month (expensive). To price out a gym (which looks like a no-go for me since almost ALL the discounts in this country go to students - UNDER 28 - ageists!!!).

Last weekend our class got on a bus and went to the Valley of the Loire (which I ended up just calling Valley of the Dolls in my head - doubting that any of my younger colleagues would get the joke). It wasn't the awe-inspiring, fireworks and angels singing, "Ahhhhhhleeeeeluuuujahhhhhh." But it definitely helped me place my thinking brain into a framework (a lovely biz word these days) for public affairs. I'll post a few of the activities and let you find out your own skills and ways of thinking.

It was absolutely beautiful to get out of the city and into the country. This wasn't mountains and rolling hills, but fresh grass and chilly, autumn air and colorful trees. We got to swing by a castle and rest in the park. I love the city, I love Paris, but I'm a nature girl at heart, too. (Despite the fact that every time I'm alone in nature I'm completely freaked out by the idea of wildebeasts or wild boars or rabies-ridden bear attacking me.)

And, of course, we also had wine. I have no idea what kind of wine as it came out of a handy spout in the dining area. Red or pink - choose your color.

So, now the first week of classes. It's interesting to mix the 1st year and 2nd year students in one building for courses (2nd years = students who attended Sciences Po last year or came from the dual-degree programs at Columbia SIPA, London's LSE, or Berlin's Hertie, or Singapore's Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy). This makes a total of 60+ of us bouncing around at various times and makes a total pain in the ass headache for the scheduler. Some 2nd year students take electives offered to 1st years as well, etc... I'll take a snapshot and post it up here sometime so you can see the maze we're all working through.

Essentially I only had 2 courses on Monday (others had 4 from 8am-8pm) and today I have 1 and tomorrow 1. This will pick up as I get to more classes though. This week was a Transitions course, today is Innovation, and tomorrow Economics 1 (see the schedule here for professor info and course info.) Next week I'll have the French, Stats, etc...

Also check the calendar as I'm headed off to conferences galore this month. Fri, 12th in Fountainebleu for a conference on Corporate Social Responsibility (my Berlin colleague says it's a trendy idea to alleviate regulations on private sector - I agree and disagree, Rome can't turn into a kibbutz in one day). Then, I made the cut to join 9 other students (of both 1st & 2nd years who applied) to go to Berlin for the Global Public Policy conference. I'm extending my stay there until Wed, 31st, to tour around with the other Sciences Po students. We'll be staying in a cheap hostel with the bathroom/showers down the hall kind of place. Fine for my budget!!

Speaking of, I have saved almost all my receipts for the past weeks and just have to plug them in. Finally a nice weekend to sit down and do this, as well as figure out where to buy a to-go-coffee mug. A slight horror to the French, and a slight insult, but I'm not quite a relax-with-your-coffee girl yet. Let's hope that after a few months Paris will wash me clean of the USA workaholic/to-go mentality.

Oui oui.
Feeling better about things. Thankful for a purpose for the days. Easing into the grey, overcast days. Smiling to myself on the metro (among all the seriously deflated faces of the Parisians). Successfully avoiding the doggie doo. Heading out this weekend to see some live punk experimental performance show, as well as "Nuit Blanche" (the one night Paris becomes New York and stays awake longer than 2am).

I hope you all are doing well, as well. And please don't take offense if I haven't written you back personally yet. I plan to - I promise.

xoxoxo

How to go to graduate school in Paris

Subtitle: Especially if you're attending a new program - or maybe that's irrelevant and we can just call it Over-Planning USA Girl versus French System and Culture.

Sub-subtitle: How to go to the Master of Public Affairs program at Sciences Po.
(*A new program, based in English, having just graduated its first class in June 2007. I like to think of it as a young, vital alumni network. No jokes though, the grads were pretty damn lucky: "The MPA was proud to host His Highness the Aga Khan, key note speaker for the Graduation Ceremony in honor of the Class of 2007..")

So...
Where to start? Which foot first? Forward? Backward? Side-step? Two-step?

Put your left foot in and shake it all around.



Over-Planner Girl decided to lay it all out on paper. I come from modest means, worked for a non-profit for 6 years, and have no trust fund. I do have my wits, my health, a great family, fabulous lovers, wonderful friends and colleagues (whom I consider friends), and a few plants that I know love me despite my sporadic watering.

My list became such (a living document that floats between me and my financial adviser, my father, about once a week - we title each revision with a new "v.6" or whatever):

Sciences Po, Paris, France – Master of Public Affairs (it's good to title things)
Curriculum
Student Guide 2007-2008

The Curriculum link is there to let it sink in exactly what the hell you'll be studying.
The Student Guide: it may very well take a lot of searching to find this link - remember to bookmark links like crazy. They call the web a rabbit hole and you fall down just like Alice. But some websites are like ant farms - weaving down around up and about. You might try to return to where you originally started, but damn it all if you lost that original home page and none of the others have the same layout so you forget what you were even looking for in the beginning. All I'm saying is use your "open window in new tab" function a lot or bookmark like crazy. Anyway, the student guide has good information - in French, yet very helpful.

(Yeah, that reminds me. I am not fluent in French. I will be. But I'm not now. I spent three of my formative years in Buenos Aires and learned Castellano pretty well. During that time, in about 9th grade, I took a year of French from Madame Bousquet - god bless her. The boys considered her a MILF. The girls could have cared less about French. But somehow she drilled it into us in a very friendly, fashionably black way. When I visited Paris, I used what little I could remember - ou est l'toilet? s'il vous plaît - est-ce que - il y a - etc... And I have to say that I did not sense any disrespect or shunning or snobbery from anyone that I ran in to during those three days. Yes, granted, three days. But I really do think they take into consideration your effort. I also thank Mme B for the amazing accent she gave us. I recall distinctly when she explained that her accent, and the French we would learn, would be from central Paris. I wondered how many other places there were in the world that spoke French. My French does not suck. It has a long way to go, but I can at least read the Student Guide. And, um, you might want to get a grasp, too.)

Euro deposit for placement in program √
7000+ students at Sciences Po, 2300 are international

(Checkmarks are helpful - as is the strikethrough script. It's also fine to reaffirm and comfort yourself as you go through the list of things you need to do or know.)

The application fee is a non-refundable processing fee for submission of your dossier.
The deposit is the first payment of your tuition and will be deducted from the first installment you must pay when you register in September.

The study trip (there is only one study trip in the first year): All the airfares, accommodation and transportation relating to the visits are covered by your tuition (as are breakfast and one or two dinners). Other meals will be at your expense. All students will go on the study trip, they are not application-based.

2007-2008 Cost estimates (insert your own denominations here - one column for Euros one for USD)
First year tuition
Application fee
Accommodation (700/month x 12)
Utilities (50/month x 12)
Food (500/month x 12)
Culture / Leisure
Transportation (50/month x 12)
Health services/insurance
Books
Storage (USA)
Travel
Personal expenses
International flights (1 round trip or 1 one-way?)
MacBook laptop and all the buttons and whistles

Total - in Euros and USD

How to afford this:
Stafford unsubsidized
Stafford subsidized
Personal loan


Repeat for 2008-2009


Calendar
June-September: apartment hunting and securing
June-July: secure Stafford subsidized loan
July: One-way plane ticket, Mac computer, secure personal loan, find original birth certificate, 14 passport-sized photos (2: visa, 4: Carte de séjour, 4: school, 4: anything else),
August: U-haul moving trailer (Sun 8/12 10am – Mon 8/13 10am), U-Haul storage 8/01/07-08/01/09, health insurance, phone?, workplace health insurance for 8/1 – 8/31, Visa in Chicago 8/6, check Stafford Loan paperwork with ASA, secure health insurance, phone?, workplace IRA rollover?, life insurance?

Payments to Sciences Po:
TUITION DATES. The dates for tuition payment for 2007-2008 are the following :
--One payment by international transfer before October 31st 2007
OR
--4 installments
1) 25% at the time of registration (along with social security and complementary health insurance payment as required). This can be made by cheque or credit card payment at the Student Administration office.
2) 25% December 3rd
3) 25% February 11th
4) 25% April 21st
June-Sept ‘08: Internship [return to USA? FR? Other?]; travel expenses; housing

Stay tuned to our next episodes as we discuss:

The major headers / issues for the calendar and plotting the rest of your life include:

Financial Aid - the Stafford Loan, financial entities that give loans and aren't corrupt, the Loan Police, and realizing that there is good debt and investment debt and stop sweating you're not having a heart attack it's okay to owe a bit here and there.

Housing - the ins and outs of Craigslist and other websites, to colocate (roommates) or not, where to look, what are the agency fees and what are the charges, an attic room made for a 16 century maid or a 2-bedroom, the CAF, a picture tells a thousand words or how to trust your intuition, wire transfers, and reminders that USA is big and Europe is more condense.

Visa - the elaborate system to get the sticker with my ugly photo on it (thanks, Walgreens), the paperwork, the registration, the paperwork, the copies, the originals, the notorizing, the drive, the wait, the approval by some totally cute boy behind glass wearing such a great tie and pants combo.

Medical insurance - Europe is ageist, get coverage, get covered.

Travel - a round-trip ticket requires that you return within 365 days, get a one-way and make people visit YOU for the holidays.

Moving/Storage - getting from here to there and still keeping those things you acquired while you were a grown-up.

Phone - we think we're so free in the USA - get a phone in Europe.

Computer - I switched to a MacBook and went all out on it.

Transport in Paris - following the links on the right I found out about Velib, add annual membership to Velib into budget but are there other costs? Metro, buy a bike, taxi, bus, mule, ride a Remy?

Banking in Paris - which bank, how bank, patience bank.

As you can see, some of these items I have yet to really find out about. So, stick around to see how it all pans out.





So, yeah, on a totally personal note, I haven't really cried too much yet. I've lived here for 6 years and have made some amazing friends and have loved my job - I'm quitting to further my career not because I want to escape it.

It hasn't felt too hard to leave, but leaving feels hard. I've been tempering my excitement and have rather blushed when telling folks around here that I was going to Paris for grad school. I say that it's a departure for me - knowing full well that I've traveled all my life except for spending the longest amount of consecutive time here. I say that, knowing full well that my supervisor always reminds me of the time when we were interviewing her - about 2 years into my job - and I informed her that I wouldn't be here much longer and that I was going to go to grad school. I guess there's something to be said for incubation.

It's kind of odd though. Once you tell people you're leaving there's a window of time for your welcome and spotlight. After about a month people tire of hearing about you leaving and after 2 good-bye parties they're ready to see you to the door. For the movers-on it's a bit harder. Although it's always been said that it's more difficult for the left-behind. While it seems that everyone around me has moved on and keeps trucking, I feel a little stagnant - packing, seeing the same walls day after day, wondering what they're doing, spying through the secret left-over passcode entry email. And I know what it's like to be left. You gotta pick up and move on, continue on, feel the sting of the pain of sadness and then keep going. If the sting keeps reappearing over and over it makes the separation harder. I got new glasses and showed my ex-boyfriend (now good friend). I went from thick rimmed glasses to no rims. "What's different about them? I can't remember what you wore before." The after-work drinks I was going to get a week after I quit suddenly disapated into one person going on early vacation, another having her parents in town, and suddenly you slip off the calendar because life continues.

I don't expect to be noticed or remembered. I just wasn't ready to be forgotten so soon.

I've been looking forward for a long time though. I think that's why I haven't cried much yet. I will feel that homesickness when I get there. I will want to look back and thank god for online photo albums so I can cry over this and that back then.

But there are these odd little things that make me tear up:
I didn't wash the towel my last lover used and when I packed it I felt sad. In cleaning and packing I found a few things my ex might want. It's almost like break-up all over: these should be your things. The last Friday in town when the sun is setting so perfectly rosy over the buildings and lakes. The sound of the buzzing cicadas on fire. The slow yellow glow added to the green leaves as a sign of autumn. The last dive weekend where each block hosts a pile of used couches, clothes, desks, cookery, tvs, more clothes, books. The last time I visit my local liquor store.

I did my tarot cards last night. No, I'm not a hippie but I got it as a gift and tried it once and it was dead on. So, every now and then, I tap in. It confirmed only good things in the future, only good lessons in the past.

We shall see. Nous verrons.